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Ann Patchett’s Truth and Beauty is a beautiful tale of addictive devotion. Neither Ann, nor Lucy, could give up on their desires. Patchett writes, “If Lucy couldn’t give up heroin, I could not give up Lucy.” Lucy found herself addicted to drugs, along with an addictive desire to lead a normal life. Lucy obsessed about her face, she spent so much time fantasizing about her next operation, that she in fact, doomed it from the start. The surgery could never live up to the way she had imagined it. Although the surgeries did indeed improve Lucy’s face, it was never well enough or fast enough for Lucy. Ann needed Lucy. Unlike Lucy however, Ann keeps a level head. In her book Ann wonders how Lucy can be so free spirited; she acknowledges she was always the cautious one. Ann doesn’t give herself like Lucy does; therefore, she doesn’t set herself up for such disappointments. Of course Ann has her share of tough days, but she doesn’t fall as hard as Lucy does. The relationship of Lucy and Ann was a supplemental one. They each provided what the other did not have. When Patchett describes it, she says that she was the hard working ant, who provided for the partying grasshopper. She provided food and shelter, but the grasshopper provided truth and beauty. Ann was diligent, while Lucy was not. She cooked and cleaned for Lucy, she even paid off many of her outstanding debts. Lucy was always waiting for her real life to begin. Every time she went in for a surgery, she believed she would come out “normal”. Sometimes to me, Lucy seems almost parasitic. She is needy; always wanting reassurance from Ann. Ann is unbelievably forgiving and patient with Lucy. My last question, why was Ann so captivated with Lucy? Was it her vulnerability, neediness, or passion? Or is it what Lucy said, that Ann wanted to feel like a saint? Their friendship was not based on truth or beauty; so much as it was on love. They could be stubborn and difficult to each other, but their friendship prevailed due to passionate love.

I was suprised when I realized that Truth and Beauty was another story about Lucy. I was excited to hear a part of Lucy’s life from another view point. Quickly my excite turned to disappointment. The Lucy I had grown fond of and loved in the last book was not the self-sacrificing person I thought she was. In fact she was quite needy.

Well, here I am halfway done with Truth and Beauty and I’m still not quite sure what to think about it. I’m also not sure what my thoughts are on Lucy Grealy, despite the fact that I’ve read a book and a half about her. I guess I’ll just go through my highlighting and go from there!

I particularly enjoyed Ann’s assessment of the differences between Lucy’s personality and her own when they were in college together. On page 4, right from the get-go, she identifies the fact that Lucy was a girl who stood out and was different from anyone else, everyplace she went. She says about herself, “I had discovered I was so much like every other little girl in the world that it always took me a minute to identify my own face in our class photo.” It seems that Lucy’s own opinion of herself, that she was unworthy of love, and the world’s opinion of her, that she was somewhat of a celebrity, differed greatly. While Lucy is continuouly obsessed with “fixing” her face, Ann states in her book, “I had stopped noticing Lucy’s face years before” (11). I think Truth and Beauty amplifies Lucy’s complete lack of self confidence throughout her entire life. In many of the letters she writes to Ann, her obvious depression was the main topic of conversation. However, the huge amount of love that flowed between these two magnificent and unique women was stunning. I think a large part of what kept Lucy going through all of her surgeries and depression and loneliness was knowing that wherever she was, Ann loved her totally and completely.

Despite this love, however, Lucy was still unsatisfied with her personal love life, and griped about it continously in her letters. She looked for love through casual sex, which is about one of the most unlikely places to ever find it. The fact that she was unable to find someone who would fall in love with her using this technique continued to add to her self loathing. She continued to blame everything on her face, not the fact that she was disrespecting her self-image and her body with all the casual sex, and her low self-esteem. I think this was the beginning of her personal downhill slide that led to the reliance on drugs and alcohol.

Another difference between Ann and Lucy was not just that Lucy stood out and Ann did not in college. Lucy was reckless; in part i think because of her looks. She was especially reckless with money. “Twelve years of beating cancer had taught Lucy that she was invincible and that nothing, none of it, was ever going to catch up with her” (29).

While they had their differences, they also were similar in some ways as well. Lucy and Ann both completely dedicated themselves to their desires, whether it be writting or the desire to be pretty. I think this is what kept them together when circumstances dictated that they be driven apart.

What I don’t quite understand is why Ann was so fascinated by Lucy. I suppose it was because Lucy was everything she was not: exciting, reckless, leading a life of adventure. In college, Ann was just another a face in the crowed, and throughout her life continued to be the more cautious of the pair. Lucy needed love and attention, and Ann supplied that in enormous amplitude. Ann regarded Lucy with some kind of awe in college, and when they moved in together that transfered over into love for her. They gave and took from eachother, and no matter what happened, they were always there. This is the real beauty in the relationship: the love that managed to survive while so many other things (money, sex, marriages) failed throughout the years.

I thought it was interesting to see Lucy’s life from a different point of view. In Lucy’s autobiography she definitely expressed her pain throughout the years and described how unbearable her life was. The way Ann writes though, she describes Lucy’s life as superior to hers. Ann wrote that Lucy had: numerous friends, no trouble with boyfriends, fun at parties, etc. While Lucy was having exciting experiences, Ann seemed to leading a duller life.

I definitely think they had a special friendship. Lucy tried to fill the emotional gaps in her life such as falling in love. When things never seemed to work out, she could fall back on Ann and trust her as a close companion. Lucy had her mind wrapped around the thought that after the surgeries were over she could start living and fall in love with someone. I thought it was sad that she could never find “Prince Charming” but she certainly had terrific friendships all through her lifetime.

I also wanted to mention that I thought it was kind of pathetic that Lucy always wanted to be “special.” To me it seemed like she always wanted more attention. For example when Ann wrote about someone with ovarian cancer, Lucy did not show any sympathy for her. She pushed it aside and considered her own situation as far worse. She even wished she had the ovarian cancer instead because it was much easier to handle. I think this type of attitude is wrong. I would have tried to relate to someone else with a cancer rather than say something like, “Oh that’s nothing, I nearly died from my cancer. You’re perfectly fine. Don’t be a baby.” I understand she had a rough life and she needed some love, care, and attention but I feel this behavior is not acceptable.

Great comments-

Natalie, do you think that Ann draws courage from Lucy’s bravery, later recklessness?

Whose writing do you prefer? Grealy’s book is sometimes classified as “ypung adult” fiction but I don’t see it.

RK

I accidentally posted this under the Kite Runner blog. Here it is again.

Earlier in the Autobiography of a Face post I wrote about how after reading about half of Truth and Beauty I could see that Lucy and Ann’s reactions to certain events were very different in many cases. I brought that back to a quote about how Ann’s adulthood was shaped by Catholic school and how Lucy’s was shaped by beating cancer.

After finishing Truth and Beauty I wanted to reiterate that point. When Lucy was fighting heroin addiction, Ann was very scared that Lucy would die, but because Lucy had beat cancer she felt she was invincible and couldn’t die. Ann knew this. On page 247 she said, “Life had been conspiring to kill Lucy since she was ten years old and life had failed. At every turn she wrestled with death. She always won.” Unfortunately this feeling of invincibility allowed Lucy to stay on drugs. Ann was scared of drugs because she thought they would surely kill you, but Lucy wasn’t because of her life experiences.

I want to add to Chelsea’s comment- I too found it interesting the different ways Lucy’s life was portrayed in each book. In Autobiography of a Face, Lucy, to me, seems to show her weak side. You see her weaknesses, and since you are able to read what is going on inside her head, you see her personal flaws and fears. If I had not read this novel before reading Truth and Beauty, I would have a completely different aspect of Lucy Grealy. Ann sees her as the strongest person she knows. She writes about how Lucy was invincible. She also writes about how everyone knew her, and how she was popular. This contrasts the impression of what the reader of Autobiography of a Face might get because one of the main struggles she faces in that book is her loneliness and attempt to fit in. I just found it really interesting.

I just finished reading Truth and Beauty and I found it very interesting. Lucy is the type of person that always needs more than what she has. She also acts very childlike. She is reckless, needy, and thinks only in the moment. I think that this is because she spent her entire childhood being strong, that now as an adult she wants to be taken care of. How easily she fell into drugs is a little unnerving. The entire time she refused to admit she was an addict. For example in one of her conversations with Ann she says ” I’m not like those people…I’m not an addict” (249)

Ann was her caretaker from graduate school and on. I think that that shows some strength on Ann’s part because I don’t think I would have been able to deal with Lucy’s jealousy and needyness. She always had to be the special one. It seems to me that their friendship was rather onesided. Lucy took and Ann gave.

I found Truth and Beauty interesting because you see Lucy’s life from a different perspective. I also found Ann and Lucy’s friendship remarkable. Throughout the book their relationship experiences ups and downs. In Autobiography of a Face I found myself giving Lucy my utmost respect where in Truth and Beauty I gained just as much, if not more, admiration for Ann. She was Lucy’s conscience, caretaker, and the definition of a true friend. Lucy could be difficult and very needy at times. “A lot of people were there that night who wanted my attention for one reason or another, but whenever anyone came up to try and a speak to me, Luc would step between us and pull down my head so that she could tap her forehead against mine” (240). I found Lucy always asking Ann if she loved her to be unnecessary because Ann proved it to her day after day by being there for Lucy. “Love, in her imagination, was so dazzling, so tender and unconditional, that anything human seemed impossibly thin by comparison. Lucy’s loneliness was breathtaking in its enormity” (170-171). Lucy didn’t find the love of her life and that must have been extremely difficult but she did experience love. She had incredible friends who watched out for her every day. When Lucy referred to herself as “alone” I think she was expressing that no one could relate to her illness and the emotions that branched from it. In order to make up for this, Lucy needed constant reminders and attention.

I do believe that Ann draws courage from Lucy’s behavior, or at least becomes more daring in the face of Lucy. Lucy acted as though she were invincible; she had beaten cancer, and therefore nothing in life could beat her. On page 247 it is said, “Life had been conspiring to kill Lucy since she was ten years old and life had failed. At every turn she wrestled with death. She always won.” When Ann found herself with Lucy, she often times felt cowardly. In the face of Lucy Ann acted out. She did things I believe she never would have been comfortable doing. Because of Lucy, Ann was able to experience life in a more vivid way.

I also wanted to comment on something Dana touched on. It is true that Lucy never found the love of her life, but she did indeed experience love, and it was through Ann. Ann showed Lucy that she loved her everyday. She was always there for Lucy; she always knew what Lucy needed. Lucy comments often on her loneliness, but in fact, Ann was always there for Lucy, she understood Lucy better than anyone could, she knew what Lucy needed and wanted. I have a new appreciation for Ann and all that she accomplished on her own, and all she did for Lucy.

I found it ironic how, towards the end of her life, Lucy begins using drugs. For the majority of Lucy’s life there has been a strain on her body. This was not by choice. Between chemotherapy and the surgeries to reconstruct her face, Lucy was forced to conquer pain. This time Lucy had a choice and not only becomes a heroin addict, but starts cutting herself. After overcoming cancer and more than thirty surgeries, I thought Lucy would have more of an appreciation for life. As her will to live decreases, Lucy continues to spiral down a dark path. After reading Autobiography of a Face and Truth and Beauty, I think Lucy never realized that although she had a hard life, her behavior affected others. She had friends who cared about her. They took turns visiting her in the hospital, checking up on her, and letting Lucy stay in their homes. I was astonished by all the bills and materials Ann would take care of for Lucy. I wouldn’t call Lucy ungrateful but distracted by her own problems.

“We crouched together between some bookshelves and listened to the buzz of voices, laughing to think they were all waiting on us. Lucy was famous, and I was famous for being with her” (140). When reading Truth and Beauty, I noticed and don’t quite understand why Ann puts Lucy on this pedestal. I understand the amount of strength Lucy had was incredible. She came face to face with illness, embarrassment, and pure pain. But Ann also describes Lucy’s free spirit, outgoing personality, and presence as if she had nothing in comparison. Now that I am finished with the book, I wonder if Ann realized how much she had going for her. Ann was dedicated to her writing. “Day after day I could be found scooting along the crown molding, hovering off the stuffed foxes and wolverines, all the time thinking about my characters, a group of lost girls waiting to have their babies at St. Elizabeth’s” (75). I found Ann’s determination inspiring and her patience marvelous. Ann had this ability to put Lucy before everything and everyone. Sure, Lucy needed her and Ann needed Lucy just as much, but Ann was willing to make any sacrifice for Lucy. I think Lucy and Ann being constants in each other’s lives made all the difference in their friendship. If they couldn’t be together, they would write, call, and visit each other whenever possible. Knowing how much people can grow and change over the years; I find it refreshing that two people can share such a bond.

I agree with what Dana wrote about how it is surprising that after surviving cancer, something she didn’t have control over, Lucy started doing heroin, something she did have control over. Why would one who had experienced so much pain want to hurt herself more?

One reason why may be that Lucy loved to be the center of attention. She developed this trait when she was sick as a child and was the “favorite case” of the doctors. Whenever she was ignored or left alone she felt that no one loved her. After her many surgeries were finally over she didn’t get the attention she craved from her doctors, so her friends were forced to supply it. When Lucy did not receive the positive attention she desired she became depressed. Her depression led to her addiction to heroin.

The sad part is that Lucy did have friends who made her the center of attention. She just never saw it because she was too depressed over not being loved by a boyfriend. This was the root of her problems and caused her to inflict pain on herself either by taking drugs or cutting herself.

While I agree with Nate that Lucy never saw the love she had because she was too preoccupied with her lack of a boyfriend, I disagree that this was the root of her problems. I believe her problems stemmed from her total lack of self-esteem. This was in turn amplified when she realized a boyfriend was not in the cards for her. Her low self-esteem caused her to continue looking through love in the most unlikely places, such as through sex or even drugs. She felt that if she could just get a boyfriend, she would be worthwhile and would deserve the love from her friends. I think she refused to see the love her friends showered upon her in part because she felt she didn’t deserve it. True, Lucy loved the spotlight, but she did have major self-esteem issues. Without the love of a “significant other” Lucy felt she was unloved and unloveable, and therefore not worthy of the love her friends offered.

Sorry, I just realized I got ahead of myself while writing the last comment, it’s supposed to be looking FOR love, not looking THROUGH love. oops

I think that Lucy never really got a chance to be a child. With the cancer she went through she never made emotional contacts with the outside world. Because of this, she has this fantasy of how all relationships are. She becomes very needy and clingy because she doesn’t know how to act like an adult.

Lucy has also always been the center of attention her entire life. Therefore, whenever she feels like she isn’t the focus she feels threatened and doesn’t know how to react. This is why whenever Lucy is around Anne and another person she always feels the need to have her love validated.

I don’t know which book I enjoyed more: Truth and Beauty or Autobiography of a Face. They are both so different yet tell the same story.

As I read through Autobiography I greatly admired Grealy’s courage and determination. She dealt with her cancer like it was a minor setback, while ignoring, not realizing or overcoming the fact that it could end her life.

After I finished Truth and Beauty I was shocked. Ann revealed Lucy for what she was: human. Her loneliness granted her great power and while Grealy describes how she used that power to her advantage, Patchett describes how it consumed and killed her. I was disheartened to say the least when I finished Truth and Beauty; my superhuman image of Grealy was shattered.

I couldn’t help but see the correlation between The Dark Knight and the two books. Batman and The Joker are each driven by the same force, but in opposite paths. The Joker strives to prove humans will always betray their values given the right circumstances (everyone has a price). Batman strives to prove morals are priceless, and should be followed no matter what happens. Batman’s philosophy fits well into Autobiography of a Face while The Joker’s fits well into Truth and Beauty. The Joker proves his point by causing the fall of Harvey Dent, Gotham’s White Knight. He proves even a person completely dedicated to his or her cause, like Dent to justice, will abandon it if it is shown to be pointless.

Grealy survives cancer and more than 30 operations to fix her face, but eventually realizes no amount of operations, friends, sexual encounters or writing will satisfy her loneliness. She realizes her efforts are pointless and turns to drugs to satisfy her. The drugs, and her resulting death, was the price she paid to relieve the loneliness that had tormented her throughout her life. Just like the Joker says: everyone has a price. I think Lucy’s fall from grace doesn’t make her any less of a person. It shows she is human. She can sin, be corrupted and die- just like everyone else. Her life reminds us to never think too highly of ourselves, because, like Lucy; we too are human.

An important lesson to extract from comparing Truth and Beauty to Autobiography of a Face is that there are always two sides to a story. Take for example a classmate that you may think is beautiful. On the outside, others perceive her as kind, successful, etc. — but from her perspective she may be ugly. She knows her shortcomings better than anyone, while such weaknesses may not be immediately visible to others — but they could eat her from the inside. Or take someone that you might see as a parasite. He may have many strengths and may have overcome several adversities — you might not see this though, so you just see his failures. It’s not fair to judge someone from a first impression, a second glance, or even a third analysis. It takes love and dedication to understand as much about a friend as possible — and once you get that far, like Ann Patchett did for Lucy, you won’t care so much about judgment anymore.

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I did not enjoy this book at all. I believe that Ann Patchett betrayed Lucy Grealy who she claims to care about and love a great deal by exploiting intimate details of her life that Lucy obviously did not want to make public (Grealy did write an autobiography, if there were any details of her life that she would have wanted to disclose I feel as if she would have used that book as an opportunity). Reading Truth and Beauty also inevitably changes one’s views on Grealy which in turn cheapens the value of Autobiography of a Face (which I found to be a truly beautiful novel that not only tells Grealy’s truth but inspires you to uncover your own) with shallow details of Grealy’s desperation which caused her act in immoral and rash ways. Patchett also seems use Grealy to foil her own constant character and devotion to build herself up as a better person for whatever reason. I am not really in a position to judge Patchett because I don’t know her motives for writing this novel but I found myself doing just that throughout the entire book.

Michele:

I found your post very interesting in that I had not really considered before how negative Patchett’s writing is towards her close friend. I would still have to disagree that Patchett’s work was needlessly full of “shallow details” of Lucy’s life. In order to fully understand the type of person Lucy was, a person must read the memoirs of both Grealy herself and Patchett. For an analogy, all of my life I have been a huge fan of cooked broccoli and I had thought when I was younger that cooked broccoli was its only edible state (just wait, it’s going somewhere). At a family party, years back, I saw some raw broccoli sitting on a table, and after asking my mother to make sure it was edible, I plowed it down, expecting the same taste. I was disgusted, curious as to how such a vile taste could come from my favorite vegetable. That was when I had figured out, and fully understood, all of broccoli’s capabilities. (Of course, this story is slightly exaggerated, and I had no deep thoughts of broccoli at the time).

The same goes with fully understanding Lucy’s life as fully understanding broccoli. I see Lucy’s memoir as cooked, perfectly put into words, displaying Grealy as someone who, as Michele mentioned, can help to find truth. Patchett’s work, on the other hand, is raw, exposing of the negative, real-life, and somewhat repulsive characteristics of Lucy. Reading only one of the two memoirs leaves a person ignorant of either the beauty or imperfections of Lucy’s life. It is important to understand that Lucy was human, someone who feel to temptation in certain times of desperation. Do I think Patchett went about revealing some of her friend’s negative characteristics in the most tasteful way? No, the writing was somewhat too raw to the point where it could trump Grealy’s positive memoir as opposed to help build on it. Still, I would never suggest that someone read only one of the two memoirs, as it reveals a totally biased look on a fairly interesting life.

My two posts got deleted…so this is the one in response to Michele’s:

I found your post very interesting in that I had not really considered before how negative Patchett’s writing is towards her close friend. I would still have to disagree that Patchett’s work was needlessly full of “shallow details” of Lucy’s life. In order to fully understand the type of person Lucy was, a person must read the memoirs of both Grealy herself and Patchett. For an analogy, all of my life I have been a huge fan of cooked broccoli and I had thought when I was younger that cooked broccoli was its only edible state (just wait, it’s going somewhere). At a family party, years back, I saw some raw broccoli sitting on a table, and after asking my mother to make sure it was edible, I plowed it down, expecting the same taste. I was disgusted, curious as to how such a vile taste could come from my favorite vegetable. That was when I had figured out, and fully understood, all of broccoli’s capabilities. (Of course, this story is slightly exaggerated, and I had no deep thoughts of broccoli at the time).

The same goes with fully understanding Lucy’s life as fully understanding broccoli. I see Lucy’s memoir as cooked, perfectly put into words, displaying Grealy as someone who, as Michele mentioned, can help to find truth. Patchett’s work, on the other hand, is raw, exposing of the negative, real-life, and somewhat repulsive characteristics of Lucy. Reading only one of the two memoirs leaves a person ignorant of either the beauty or imperfections of Lucy’s life. It is important to understand that Lucy was human, someone who feel to temptation in certain times of desperation. Do I think Patchett went about revealing some of her friend’s negative characteristics in the most tasteful way? No, the writing was somewhat too raw to the point where it could trump Grealy’s positive memoir as opposed to help build on it. Still, I would never suggest that someone read only one of the two memoirs, as it reveals a totally biased look on a fairly interesting life.

Here was the first post:

As I progress through the memoir, I am finding it interesting how both Ann and Lucy are constantly in anticipation of their more satisfying future lives. It seems as though many times the women consider their futures to surly be better than their present states. This is very clear with Lucy and her surgeries, since it was explained that each new surgery brought with it a sense of false hope and expectations which were never really fulfilled. Patchett explains, “They would get this business of her face finished up once and for all and then life, real life, would begin. Lucy had felt she had been on the verge of real life sever al times before, a life with the finished face she would have to learn to live with, but it had never quite happened” (85). With both Ann and Lucy, it is with their careers and successfulness in which they spent many days praying for rejuvenation. Both women felt that their lives had not yet truly begun until they acquired successful careers in literature, but surprisingly, even that was not enough to satisfy their expectations for life.

I understand that it is always comforting and encouraging having something to strive for or to look forward to, but at some point every person should appreciate what they have. The problem, I feel, is that anticipation and hope are natural parts of life. When in deep thought, it is usually regarding the past or the future, rarely the present moment. When discussing her job and coworkers at T.G.I. Friday, Ann mentions, “Every single person there believed that he or she was just passing through. We were all going to be something big, something important. I believed it about myself as well” (56). The hope poured out by these everyday people for a change in their mundane lives was ultimately healthy, despite the fact that many failed to appreciate what little they might have had. What we can not forget is that while this anticipation of a greater meaning in life distracts a person from that which they have, it is also the factor which provides the motivation for one’s own esteem. This is displayed through Patchett’s endless attempts at making it big in literature, a goal she finally did accomplish.

Bill:
When I read your comment pertaining to The Dark Knight, I smiled. Then I realized that your observation was completely true. I found myself sitting there nodding my head the whole time. I agree completely, the Joker’s philosophy fits perfectly into Truth and Beauty. The novel highlights Lucy’s faults and negative addictions more so than the first one. Truth and Beauty illustrates the downfall of Lucy, it shows her spiraling into a drug addiction, and contemplating suicide. Lucy abandons “justice” by the end of the novel, because, after all, who has been just to her? Is it not pointless to do the right thing in a world where nobody else does?

I also found Michele and Spencer’s posts interesting. After reading them, I looked over Truth and Beauty and realized how negative Patchett’s writing is toward Lucy. But I would have to say I agree with Spencer. Although Ann’s novel shares un-charming characteristics of Lucy, it is true that one must read both memoirs to understand Lucy. Spencer, I enjoyed your broccoli analogy. Lucy’s own memoir shows the side of beauty. Lucy’s perseverance and fortitude can’t help but grab your attention. It makes the reader feel small in the eyes of Lucy, and look up to her, like she is an angel of sorts. Ann’s memoir shows the side of truth. She portrays the human qualities in Lucy, and makes Lucy human again. Like Lucy and Ann’s friendship, the two memoirs compliment each other, neither is complete, but together they make something beautiful.

I shared Michele’s dislike for Truth and Beauty. I thought Lucy was such a remarkably woman and while reading of her faults, as told by Ann, I feel my complete perception of Lucy as a person has changed. Although I still believe she was incredibly courageous in her fight again cancer, this second book made me sad for Lucy in a completely different way. Lucy is no longer portrayed as a victim of cancer, something she cannot control, but of addiction, something brought unto herself. When I ask myself why someone in Lucy’s position would fall under the influence of addiction I think the answer is quite clear. After her treatments ended Lucy desperately needed a new crutch to lend on. Since she could not find the perfect steady boyfriend and she never fully realized the support and love of her friends, she decided to experiment with drugs as a constant element. Through heroin, Lucy was able to find temporary realize from her emotional and physical pain every time she used it. In addition, Lucy received an added benefit of heroin whenever she overdosed and had to be rushed into a hospital; attention. People, her friends, worried about her and fussed over her.
While I cannot fault Lucy for her addiction or perhaps even her promiscuity, I can say that I liked her better not knowing this side of Lucy. I believe Ann wrote this book for her own way of coping with Lucy’s death and meant what she wrote without malice intended.

Natalie:

I completely agree. Why should we do the right thing when we know the world will treat us unfairly? I cannot think of an answer myself.

I don’t think Truth and Beauty shows a negative side of Lucy, it shows she is human. To think she is anything more is a misconception. After all, isn’t she made of the same flesh and blood as everyone else? She even has the same problems; that’s why her book is so relatable. Her loneliness, rejection, boyfriend (or girlfriend) troubles and need to be loved are all problems we deal with everyday.

And don’t forget: Lucy wrote her book as a piece of literature. Her book is a memoir that tells how she remembers her life, not what actually happened.

And I agree: the books do complement each other well. They each show a different side of Lucy. As I was reading them I noticed Autobiography of a Face stops on page 99 of Truth and Beauty. I think Lucy chose to omit the last half of her life because it would distract the reader from her message: to find one’s own beauty in the world around him or her.

Nabil-

I agree wholeheartedly. Lucy did not dwell on the last portion of her life in order to send a message about finding your own personal beauty. I also think that, had she inserted this portion of her life, it might have changed her message a little. Did Lucy ever truely find beauty? Even after her epiphany of sorts (at the end of Autobiography of a Face), she continued searching for that one last surgery, the one last fix that would make her beautiful to everybody else. And, as we know now, when she couldn’t find it, she resorted to drugs to make her feel alive.

Jenny:

I agree with you when you say that Lucy did not dwell on the last portion of her life. However, I do not think that this behavior was only present in the “last portion” of her life.

I think that there are three types of personalities among us. There are those who constantly look back and dwell on the past thus never being able to move on. Then there are those who live in the present, nonchalant about there future. Lastly, there are those who live a day ahead in the future. I think that Lucy was the latter.

Lucy was always living in the future. Patchett highlights this in her book saying, “Lucy talked about how she spent her childhood thinking that real life would start after the surgeries stopped.” (182) Lucy was always looking forward; once one surgery was completed she searched out a time for the next. I also think that this contributed to her substance abuse. Once she could no longer escape the present, she used drugs to free her. This attitude was also one reason, I feel, she used to have those myriad of relationships. Sex and drugs were her way of escaping but because she truly could not escape the present, as no one can, she kept referring back to her vices. We all understand that she didn’t like to live in the present because the present did not contain much for her to like i.e. her face, but the true cause was her failure in finding her own beauty. Consequently, since she was always searching for this part of her, she had to live in the future.

WOW! Did this book open my eyes to Lucy’s true life. Bravo to Ann Patchett, she did such a phenomenal job describing Lucy Grealy, that it seemed that Lucy was living in a different world in her novel. I am not criticizing Lucy on her writing, but her way of illustrating came from the core of her life, the surgeries, not how she dealt with it later in life. Ironically, she fought for her face to NOT be her definition her whole life, but it was eventually what killed her. Patchett described Lucy’s “behavior” by explaining how she would party at night with absolute strangers, have sexual relationships that never ended up being love, and how she would crawl into Ann’s lap and ask “Do you love me?” in front of Ann’s friends. It is obvious what answer she wanted.

Also, thank you Bil for relating the Dark Knight to this novel. I saw the similarities as you did exactly.

A lot more on this later.

As I look through my highlighting so far, there is one quote that stands out above all of the others, transcending the relationship between Ann Patchett and Lucy Grealy, and applying to us all. Patchett writes, “Now writing meant something else entirely. Without writing, Lucy was just another patient in the surgical ward, waiting for her tissue expander to fill with the saline and stretch out her skin. Without writing, I was another waitress like all the other waitresses in Nashville who were waiting for their big publishing deal,” (62). I think that this general idea holds true for anyone with a true passion, be it for writing, athletics, a hobby, a certain animal, or anything else. For example, if it weren’t for baseball, I would just be another nerd looking to go to college and then become a lawyer. But it is my passion for baseball that makes me different. Although we may have different dreams, ideas, career paths, etc., I believe it is our different passions that truly make us unique individuals.

As I delve into the relationship of Lucy and Ann throughout Truth and Beauty, I have also begun to compare the writing styles of Ms. Grealy and Ms. Patchett. Although I have not developed a favorite author yet, I feel it is interesting how both authors portray their ideas through differing methods. Ms. Grealy’s memoir is an intricately woven fabric of strong vocabulary and endearing imagery. On the other hand, Ms. Patchett utilizes more traditional writing techniques, and expands them to deeper meaning.
Ms. Grealy puts her reader in the room of her chemotherapy and inside her pain as she travels through her battle with cancer. Her mastery of language and ability to apply a rhythm to her text entrances the reader, who dives further into the story. Ms. Patchett’s metaphors are complex and allow the reader to establish strong foundations for understanding the characters; who they are, and why they make decisions. When Patchett contrasts the pair’s teaching styles she uses metaphors and allusion to Aesop’s fables. She explains, “We were a pairing out of an Aesop’s fable, the grasshopper and the ant, the tortoise and the hare…Grasshoppers and hares find the ant and tortoises. They need us to survive, but we need them as well. They were the one who brought the truth and beauty to the party.”(20) Instead of simply saying the two’s styles complement each other, Ms. Patchett inundates the reader in a metaphor that expands understanding with unique artistry.

I disagree that Patchett’s book cheapens one’s view of Lucy. I believe that it brings forth the fact that Lucy is human.

After reading Autobiography of a Face one gets the idea that Lucy is an intellectual and morally upright person who was and continued to be very unlucky, both of which are true. However, one also gets the feeling that she is better than us all and that we could never have seen things the way she saw them. This idea then makes her magnificent in the eyes of the reader. This latter sentence may also be true but Patchett’s book with the unveiling of other more jagged truths about Lucy makes this latter sentence less true while bringing forth the idea that Lucy was human and like others had made mistakes and carried on with vices.

Due to the fact that Patchett’s book is dedicated to Lucy and her memories, I think that it does just that by making Lucy more personable and real to the reader. By knowing her intimate details, one sees Lucy as a person who has made mistakes and is “human” rather than a person spiritually connected with her feelings towards beauty and life. This then makes one more able to relate with her life and miss her more after knowing of her death, thus accomplishing Patchett’s goal of immortalizing Lucy’s life. USA Today said that “If this honest book sends new readers out in search of Grealy’s memoir, Patchett will have served her friend’s memory well.” (This quote is located amidst the quotes that show “Enthusiastic Praise for Truth and Beauty”, page 2) This is exactly what it does.

Last thought:
Though I appreciate Patchett’s technique, I also disliked her book. My reason though is much simpler: I found it repetitive with Autobiography of a face.

If anybody feels like doing some research, I recommend reading an article by Suellen Grealy, in which she opposes Patchett’s depiction of Lucy. It is available online and perhaps that can give you some extra insight into Lucy’s life and relationships with other people.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2004/aug/07/biography.features

Ann Patchett, likely in a time during which she was low on funds, wrote this book to capitalize off of Lucy Grealy’s fame, friendship, and flaws. Had it been about a different friend who had not been an immensely successful writer, the book may not even have sold to a publisher, but because it was the story of well-known Lucy Grealy, the book became a bestseller. She exposes sides of Lucy that were obviously meant to stay between the two of them. If Lucy wanted others to know about her sex life and her drug addiction, she could have published a novel about that part of her life, but she didn’t.

As far as the relationship between the two, it may appear that Lucy is dependent on Ann, but I think that there is a mutual dependence. Lucy needs Ann to always be there and support her, while Ann needs Lucy so that she can feel like she is making an impact in someone’s life. I think that the same kind of dependence exists between the man and the boy in The Road. The boy needs the man to teach him how to survive and help him survive, but the man also needs the boy so that he has a reason to continue living. Lucy finally understands why Ann needs her towards the end of the book, saying, “But at least I can make you feel like a saint. That’s what you’ve always wanted,” (225). Although Ann may profusely deny the accusations, I think that Lucy is right on. If she felt so strongly about Lucy, why would she write a book that exposes so much of Lucy’s personal business and so many of her flaws?

I would like to thank May for putting up that article. It is good to see that Lucy’s family is not just sitting by while Ann reveals Lucy’s negative qualities to the world. Suellen Grealy repeated my reasoning as to why Ann Patchett wrote this book, “To hitch her wagon to my sister’s star.” Truth and Beauty reveals sides of Lucy that she obviously never meant to reveal, and for that I will never be an Ann Patchett fan.

Ann Patchett had every right to write Truth and Beauty. It is a piece of literature just like Autobiography of a Face. Both tell how the author remembered things, not what actually happened. Two different perspectives give the reader two different stories. The people who flew airplanes into the World Trade Center are considered terrorists by the United States. But in the Middle East some consider them freedom fighters, even heroes. Let’s not make the mistake of only looking at only one side of Lucy Grealy, because just like the “terrorists” who flew airplanes into the World Trade Center, she too can be perceived in more than one way.

One may read Patchett’s book and think it defiles Grealy’s image, but I disagree. I judged Patchett and Grealy’s books strictly as pieces of literature. Both show a different side of human nature. Grealy’s book shows the proverbial “light” side while Patchett’s shows the “dark”. We, as human beings just like Lucy, have the potential to accomplish great things and/or to destroy ourselves. The books turned my logic upside down- and I realized everything in this world is subjective- there is no such thing as an absolute truth.

Skimming through all of these comments, I have found that we are fixated on comparing the two stories because of the method of writing each author uses. I don’t look at the story of Autobiography of a Face when reading Truth and Beauty, and in fact, I put that in the back of my mind. I find it hard to read Truth and Beauty when thinking of Lucy’s childhood, because that period was when the tragedy struck, and a huge chunk of the surgeries took place. The part of her life portrayed in Ann’s memoir is completely different, because we see her unique personality, and how she deals with dating, her career, and loneliness. Apples and oranges, most definetely.

Ann Patchett did not degrade Lucy’s persona by reflecting on her friend’s grusome life. A strength in this novel is the underlying need for this friendship, despite the bad choices made. When Lucy was in Provincetown, she would ask Ann to come over, like she lived next door, but she lived 3 hours away. When Lucy was betrayed by yet another man, she would look to Ann for love and guidance. Lucy wouldn’t have survived for as long as she did with the strong bond that acted as her life’s foundation. I couldn’t find a better quote to describe the importance of their friendship than on page 20, “Grasshoppers and hares find the ants and tortoises. They need us to survive, but we need them as well. They were the ones who brought the truth and beauty to the party…” A cliche metaphor that sums up that everybody needs assistance in one area or another, and that we depend on each other for guidance in those areas. Later Lucy and Ann were stranded on a highway because their car battery died, and the gentleman in a rusty 1970 Honda Civic said, “That’s what you owe me for this ride. You have to pick somebody else up. Do you understand me? Pick them up no matter what they look like.” (31). It proves the point that no matter the appearance, background, or successfulness, everybody is capable of helping another.

“Lucy absolutely insisted on the idea that she lived a charmed life, perhaps as a way of counterbalancing the parts of her story when charm had been in such short supply. She wanted always to believe that she was someone who simply fell into things, she was lucky, one of the blessed few who always found the right place at the right time.” (117)

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Part of her “healing” was her friendship, but also psycologically creating a better scenario. She compared her life to those of tragedy brought on by man kind, and not nature. “…Lucy found her courage and camaraderie was in persecution, the kind of systematic cruelty where absolutely nothing is left to chance. Stories in which people are destroyed because someone else chose to destroy them were the ones that lit a fire under her.” (92). Lucy strived to look at her situation as just a complication to the human body, and not a tragedy. Sure her face affected her interaction with others, but remembering that harm was inflicted on millions of people in the Holocaust, in war, and in famines and genocides when many if not all were completely innocent, her scenario seemed rudimentary. In a letter to Ann, Lucy wrote, “I would walk around for days pretending I was in a concentration camp, or that I was going to trip a landmine at any moment. I know it sounds morbid, but it helped me enormously: everything, everything seemed suddenly important to me.” (93). This was her way of feeling the unexpected consequences of monstrous regimes. Not knowing if they’d make it through the day without being blown up, shot, or gased was assumingly more painful than the inflictions themselves. Lucy did have friends, her mother, and a team of doctors across different countries that made her life as “normal” as possible. The two situations are on opposite ends of the spectrum, and Lucy counted her blessings.

Having reached the half way point of Patchett’s memoir, I have noticed that Patchett’s ability to intertwine her own prose with the letters of Lucy helps accentuate their relationship. Patchett’s memoir is a tribute to her relationship with her best friend. She uses her voice and mastery of language to portray her love for Lucy. What makes her writing special is her ability to use the words of Lucy to connect the two friends from both points of view. Throughout the memoir, Patchett uses excerpts from Lucy’s letters and comments as a validation tool. She makes her point through artistry and imagery with expansive metaphors and then she reinforces it with input from Lucy herself. Patchett often comments on Lucy’s low self-esteem. She shows that although Lucy is very sexually active, she lacks regard for what truly makes her beautiful. She then highlights her view by quoting Lucy, “the easiest moments in my life, or rather the most damaging moments, have been that easy fall into saying; I’m ugly.” (136) Grealy’s letters combined with Patchett’s style result in a story of profound literary value as well as deeper understanding of the pair’s relationship.

A comparison of Truth and Beauty and Autobiography of a Face, shows the inevitable journey of a human being who struggles with defining their identity. Both authors, Patchett and Grealy, use their memoirs to portray one’s perpetual need for definition. Grealy examines her life from a first person account. She details the pain and loneliness that dominates her life and her struggle to overcome them. She also speaks through her poetic prose on her own inability to define herself. She knows her talents are special; however her disfiguration clouds her ability to recognize her own beauty. Through her memoir, Grealy challenges her reader to define what defines beauty and love.
Patchett’s memoir builds on the ideas of Autobiography of a Face. She portrays Lucy’s struggle from her own point of view with Lucy’s on commentary intermingled throughout her text. Patchett’s friendship with Lucy and their mutual love for writing is beautiful; however, the pair struggle to overcome Lucy’s fight against depression. Through her unique mastery of allusions and metaphors, Patchett describes Lucy’s struggles best, “she [Lucy] had a nearly romantic relationship with Death. She had beaten it out so many times that she was convinced she could go and kiss all she wanted and still come out on the other side.” (256) Lucy’s depression yielded a relationship with heroin, a relationship Lucy saw as a means to fill the whole created by her cancer.
Both authors are beautiful. Their life’s experiences and ability to write define their beauty in a way that surpasses the superficial beauty of aesthetics. The ultimate difference in their lives is defined by their ability to recognize this fact.

Many times throughout Truth and Beauty Patchett writes about how she worked to make Lucy happy or how it was her role to make Lucy better. I wondered why she included these segments because to me they made her sound like a person complaining of a burdening friend. For me a friends role sometimes include helping and not complaining of the fact that you need to help your friend. However, when Patchett wrote passages detailing how much work Lucy was, I felt put off by Patchett’s personality because it makes Lucy look like a leech, metaphorically speaking.

Two such times include:

“In our friendship I had spent a lot of time telling Lucy to pull herself up, to get over the past and move on. That was my role…” (Patchett, 208)

“…I was willing to do the work of happiness.” (Patchett, 213)

Nonetheless taking a second look at these passages I feel that they had a lot more to do with Patchett’s style of writing than actually complaining.

After reading Autobiography of a Face and Truth and Beauty one can easily tell that the writing styles of Patchett and Grealy are different if one completely opposite. Grealy writes bluntly due to the fact that her goal is to make the reader understand her life and for the reader to understand what she wants us to there must be nothing to infer or interpret otherwise we are all left with different impressions. Patchett, however, writes metaphorically leaving the reader to get what they will from her book. I do not believe that she was as concerned for all the readers to understand the same aspects as she concerned in immortalizing Lucy’s life.

I believe that Patchett receives closure on Lucy’s young death through her book. This is why I believe she interjects herself and her thoughts throughout the book. She is not writing a biography of Grealy as I thought at first but rather a biography of their friendship. Thus, in doing the latter she needed to write about her role in the friendship, which just happened to be more giving than receiving. So I realized she was not complaining and that my interpretation that way did injustice to her book.

Lastly, I realized that though it seemed as if Patchett gave more to Lucy in their friendship such as love, devotion, company, and assuredness of the latter, Patchett most likely received items from this friendship to Lucy that may well be more valuable than what she gave. However, these items may have not been tangible and thus she was unable to mention them. At least this was the impression I was left with at the end of her book.

I agree with Nabil in that Ann had every right to write a book about her relationship with Lucy. The relationship wasn’t all about Lucy, as in most relationships it goes both ways with each person playing equally signifigant parts in it. The story I believe is just as much about Ann as it is Lucy. Besides she took care of Lucy, she loved Lucy as her best friend. So I think she earned the privelage to write about her relationship with her best friend.

Ann Patchett had the right to write Truth and Beauty, as she was a writer. If she wanted to translate her thoughts and memories into words on paper, she was allowed to do that. She even had the right to publish the book — but whether it was appropriate to do so is another story. Lucy Grealy chose to share her life from an ultimately uplifting point of view, but Patchett chose to disclose more personal, sadder details of her late friend. This was not fair to Lucy. Even if she did rely on Ann a lot near the end of her life, that was between them as close friends and not something Ann should have shared with the rest of the world.

I think that Truth and Beauty shows how most people always just focus on what they don’t have instead of what they do have. For example Lucy was on the top of her game, she had plenty of friends, had people who adored her, always seemed to be able to find a boyfriend when she wanted to but she always worried about how “nobody loved her” how nobody thought she was a good writer, etc. We are just as guilty of that same trend we always need that new car, or new HDTV or something along those lines and Lucy does a good job of portraying that side in people.

In the beginning of Truth and Beauty, Ann Patchett wrote “But then our mutual friend Jono Wilks had told her that I was going up early to find housing and if this was the case, would I find a place for her as well?” (2). When I first read this I wondered why she couldn’t just find her own place. Putting The Autobiography of a Face out of my mind, up to this point in the story, you weren’t aware that Lucy had medical problems. As I read farther into the book, I noticed how Lucy treated Ann when they were in school together. Ann was just being friendly and Lucy would ignore her. When I read this, I began to respect Ann Patchett a lot more. She helped find an apartment for a girl that not only she barely knew but who also barely acknowledged her existence. In my eyes she is a very good person.

Lucy was lucky to have Ann as a friend. They clicked as friends, roommates, and colleagues. Ann was very accepting of how Lucy behaved. It was also very beneficial to the situation that Ann was in that car accident as a child. Ann could understand the gawking stares from strangers. She knew what it was like to be looked at as different and outside the group. Even though Ann’s accident was not even close to how extreme Lucy’s cancer was, Ann was still about to sympathize with Lucy.

It is obvious that Lucy thrives on attention. She is constantly putting herself in the spotlight. She hang on Ann in public, wants to know everyone, and is very eccentric. Lucy also come out and says she wants to be famous and have the world looking at her. If I was in her situation, I wouldn’t want to have a bunch of people looking at me because of my face. I would be afraid people ridiculing me. In this sense I think a lot of Lucy because she is able to get past what other people think about her and live her life.

It is obvious that Lucy thrives on attention. She is constantly putting herself in the spotlight. She hangs all over Ann in public, wants to know everyone, and is very eccentric. She is the one at parties that is jumping from group to group and you know she is having a good time. Lucy also come out and says she wants to be famous and have the world looking at her. If I was in her situation, I wouldn’t want to have a bunch of people looking at me because of my face. I would be afraid people ridiculing me. In this sense I think a lot of Lucy because she is able to get past what other people think about her and live her life.

I had not thought much of Autobigraphy of a Face when I first finished reading it; Truth and Beauty exposed something weighty in Grealy’s story that I had not noticed before. Lucy’s story had no appeal to me, and I lacked interest before I even began reading, as I had prepared myself for a tear jerker. Her story was not a sob story for the better part, and I liked it more than I had anticipated. I enjoyed Lucy’s book for its insight into a world of medicine that I have never known, and for her astounding mental control over the physically uncontrollable. I found Anne’s narrative of their friendship to be conversational and I can’t say that I enjoyed it much. Separately each book displays itself as such:
Autobiography of a Face: the story of a strong, mature girl.
Truth and Beauty: Anne’s account of a high maintenance friendship with a tortured psyche.

“‘You’re such a good friend,’ she said dreamily. ‘What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you?’
‘You’re a good friend to me, too.’
‘Oh no I’m not. Not like you.’ She sighed, watching me. ‘But at least I can make you feel like a saint. That’s what you’ve always wanted.’” (225)
I think Anne abuses Lucy’s weakness in her story to improve her own appearance. Yet I find it ironic that someone whose obvious concern is to appear whole and better would place such a revealing remark in her novel. The accurately recounted conversations between Anne and Lucy raze the idea that Lucy is mature. Anne talks about Lucy’s faults and how she childishly deals with bad situations. I feel that Anne judged Lucy more harshly than the onlookers from the outside of her life because she presumed to know what Lucy’s life was like. Truth and Beauty pulled me into an appreciation for Lucy’s character and her style of living.

“Does something which exists on the edge have no true relevance to the stable center, of does it, by being on the edge, become a part of the edge and thus a part of the boundary, the definition which gives the whole its shape?” (Page 37”)
Lucy never allowed herself the ‘what if’ questions in her childhood, but spent the majority of adult life trying to transcend the how and why questions of her past. This comment on her apparent separation from the human norm embodies the focus of her life’s search. She needs to know and completely understand her connection with other people. Who are we if not human? I used to wonder what it would be like to live alone. We need other people to survive; even The Road emphasizes the human need. We must have each other’s thoughts to bandy about or else alone one would perish.

The second record of Lucy’s life through the eyes of a friend, show her as seen by Anne. I was able to judge the beauty of Lucy’s life through her words in Anne’s story, and her thoughts in her own novel. Autobiography of a Face became something profound, delivered by a controlled Lucy Grealy, the author, not the person. I discovered Lucy’s story anew only after reading Anne Patchett’s side.

I personally did not like Lucy too much throughout the book. She always seemed to take advantage of anything and everything. Either her friends, the publishing company, or men she had “relationships” with, she didn’t seem too concerned about who she hurt. I know her childhood was hard and all and she always wanted to have a regular face like everyone else but she still should have appreciated her friends more than she did throughout Truth and Beauty.

“Who knows if I’ll get better, but at least I have the feeling something is being done.” (74)

As Grealy wrote in Autobiography of a Face, she used a hat to hide her flaws, just as we use secrets to hide ours. When we have done something wrong, and can not convince ourselves to tell the truth, we try to compensate by doing something nice for the person we wronged. This, I believe, is how Grealy felt about her face. She could not erase the past, but by having so many surgeries done, she at least felt that she was doing something to improve her face. It gave her a feeling of at least trying to better herself, similar to how we try to improve our ourselves by bettering character.

Look, at the end of the day, none of us could possibly put ourselves into Lucy’s shoes.

So, to all those who have said things like, “I understand her childhood was hard and all,” you need to stop trying. Not to mention we have no idea what it would feel like to WANT a NORMAL face, like EVERYONE ELSE!!! What does that even mean? Do you even understand the words coming out of your mouth? None of you have the right to judge her character or her actions, these books are a way for you to try and understand her character, not judge her and in turn understand ourselves and the actions we have made in the past. If you want to judge someone, look at yourselves in the mirror more closely.

This whole book frustrated me. From the way Ann let Lucy take advantage of her, to how Lucy was unable to let the spotlight be on anyone but herself. It was rough for me to get through it because every 10 pages or so I’d need a break from the self-pitying Lucy Grealy. It took me half of July and the whole month of August to get through this book. I felt like the same repeating problem happened every page and the same solution was used, but only as a scab until it broke up again and then the routine would be repeated. Lucy was lonely and felt the only way to truly be happy was to find someone who loved her. Ann, Lucie B-B, Sophie, Joy, all loved Lucy with all of their heart, but that was not enough to save her. She wanted the love of a man, yet every relationship she had only failed to reach her expectations. Lucy would complain to Ann about how no one would ever love her and Ann would remind her that she loved her and always would.

I can’t help but think that Lucy tried to take her own life so many times just to test her friendships. To see if they really did love her, and if they would all come racing to give her their utmost attention. I do believe Lucy was terribly disturbed and distressed, but I believe one of the only ways she could feel better was to be the center of everyone’s world. If she could not find love with a man, she would be sure to be the most important, or “special” friend that Ann, Sophie, Joy, and Lucie all had. Just as Lucy was addicted to drugs, I believe she also became addicted to being the center of attention. As discussed on page 236, Lucy’s past might have had an impact on her starvation for attention. The lack of attentiveness she got from her parents may have caused her to feel a constant need for it now.

“I told her constantly that those were things she should in no way be ashamed of, that shame should be reserved for the things we choose to do, not the circumstances that life puts on us. But it was all just a matter of opinion. Telling yourself you shouldn’t be ashamed of something rarely got anyone anywhere.” (page 138).
I found it ironic that Lucy was ashamed of her face, her leg, everything that she had no control over, the things the cancer had done to her, but when it came to the things she controlled and had a choice about she found no shame in them. No shame in cutting herself or doing heroin. No shame in having sex with countless strangers. No shame in hurting her friends by doing all of these things to herself. She may have apologized to Ann saying she never meant to hurt her, but if that was so, why didn’t she stop. If she loved Ann the way Ann loved her, why didn’t she try to change. I believe Ann put her life on pause several times to help Lucy, but never once could Lucy find the strength to do the same. She was too caught up in the bad things that had happened to her to enjoy the good.

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